its so depressing.

and unfair.

btw new poems on the other blog. check it. and comment it.

http://wonderwallwords.blogspot.com/

Hey guys. Okay so i finally am doing it. Starting a new blog for all my poems. I've posted some old ones, and some new ones. And blah blah blah.

You guys can check it out. Its under the sidebar "footprints" as Joanna's Poems.

And here's the link fer you guys to link it to your blogs.

http://wonderwallwords.blogspot.com/

Your comments and feedback are very much appreciated.

Enjoy!

tonight, i suddenly cried.
i was talking to kavvie and rathes. and i realised. in a few months, things will never be the same again. we wont all ever be in the same city again. and in a few months, rathes wont even be in the same country..
i regret not knowing the two of them earlier. we're a lot closer now than we were a few months ago, and you know what, i love the two of them like hell.
yeah i know there'll always be facebook, and msn, and email, and all the crap ever. but its just not the same.
when i start college i'll barely have time for myself. who am i gonna go to kfc with and talk bullshit stories with? who am i gonna go to mcd with and laugh my ass off at the stupidest things?

and then there's anniepants, and dhedheboo and doodoo. they're all here in rawang. how often am i gonna get to come back and see them? they're gonna be busy too. with life, and school, and exams. i'll miss them like hell too.

and suddenly, my tears feel like hot water on my face, they hurt.
and suddenly, life seems to pass me by so fast.
and suddenly, i seem to be growing up too fast.
and suddenly, i just wish it would stop.

I love you guys. I know I'm gonna sound really mushy right now, but no matter how far away i am, i'll always be there for you guys, thinking of you, remembering our crazy cacated moments together. =) This isnt the end.

The first time i really saw u as a friend. I love you, you noobhead.

I love you kavvieboo.

I've known you guys for six years, but i love you now more than ever.

I may not have known you as long as the rest anniepants, but you are without a doubt, my soul sister. The only person who understands it all and who fights with me and gets angry with me, but at the end of the day, we kiss and make up.


I love you guys.

Go to my poems blog http://wonderwallwords.blogspot.com/
to read the poem i wrote ..

Those days we had, were the best parts of my life. To this day, you're still a part of my heart. You always will be. You were, are, my first real love. Your laugh, still makes me laugh the way it did before. Your lame jokes, still make me crack up as much as they did before. You made me laugh all the time. Yeah, we had those rough times, but those dont even seem to matter anymore.
You're not mine to love anymore.
But I'm okay with that now.
I'd rather have you in my life as my friend, then not at all.
♥

Unsaid

Your words are empty
You say them but you dont mean it
You whisper them
And the air carries it away
Your promises are just that
Words
Didnt anyone ever tell you
That you shouldnt ever
Make promises you cant keep
Especially not to someone
With a heart as fragile as mine
Your silence speaks louder than your words
They cut me like a knife
Words you say
Could never hurt as much as
The words unsaid

Blackout

I feel so stupid.
and now i feel like i need to hate you.
you lied to me.
you promised that i'd be the only one in your heart.
you lied.
because now i find out,
that im not the only one.
i knew about one.
yes that one.
but you told me you'd let it go
that she'd be your past
from the present and onwards.
but here i am
in the corner of my little room
and the voice in my head
screaming at me
the echo
of my friend
telling me about the others
about you
and the others
and now i feel so fucking stupid.
because i fell into your web of lies
and now my heart stings
with the pain of you
its like u cut open my healing wound
and rubbed salt on it
thank u so much
you've made my life a bed of nails now
thank u.
no amount of words u will have to say
can make this better
can make this feeling go away
so you just stand there
looking dumb
and let me fall apart
and you can walkaway anytime
because i am not your responsibility
you dont have to pretend you love me anymore.
i dont give a damned
you're making me feel bitter
you're making me ache in my heart
but i dont care
i dont want to
i dont need to
my life is still a story being told
and the rest, as they say
is still unwritten
but the parts with u in it
i shall just
black out.
because the memories hurt too much

Mirror

The morning dew hangs in the air

Like a thick cloud of darkness over my head

The cold water slides down my nose

As I splash my face with the water from the tap

The coldness shocks me and wakes me

I look up and I see this person

Thick hair, wide eyes, full lips

But she seems distressed

Like she’s got the weight of the world on her shoulders

Like she’s expecting everything to come crashing down on her

Those lines are etched in her forehead

Like a bad memory made so obvious

The laugh lines are missing from her face

And the fears engraved around her mouth

She tries to smile, but the smile wont last

But then I look closely at her

And I remember

I remember that bad memory

I remember that heartbreaking feeling

And I realize, I’m looking into a mirror

I hate the sadness I see in my eyes

I hate the fear I feel when I see me

I hate those memories I see when I look at myself

All I want is to find happiness again

Is that too much to ask?

Hold My Hand

When you look at me
Your deep dark eyes, they search my soul
When you smile at me
My heart warms up
It beats faster every second
Every second that i think of you

I smile at the thought of you
I laugh at the things u say
You captured my heart
Just by making me feel this way
By making me laugh

I dream of you
But then i lie about it
Just so you wont know
When really, its those dreams
That i want to come true

I think of you
I wonder how it would feel
To have your arms around me
You arms around me, protecting me
A safe haven

So hold my hand
And dont let go
We'll walk this road together
We're not alone
We've got each other

Open Your Eyes

Your silent tears
Are the ones that scream out to me
Your words whispered
Are the ones I hear
Through your forced smile
I see the real you
So why do you hide away in the dark
And pretend like i dont know you
When you know its me
that you need with you
Dont shy away
I am here for you
Not just for now, not just for awhile

Open your eyes
See the new light that's been shed on you
The lighting striking lights up your path
Open up your heart
Let your voice be heard
The thunder rolling doesnt have to drown out your sound

Open your eyes
And look at yourself the way i see you
You, the beautiful person i know
The loyal and faithful friend
The one with the heart of gold
My best friend
Open up your heart
Let go and lose control
Love all those around you
Especially the one that deserves your love the most
But live just for you
No one else but you
Don't be afraid to take that risk
For if you fall I will catch you
If you break I will fix u
Cos that's what best friends are for

Open your eyes.





~ I wrote this for some of my best and closest friends. People i love and trust. Ann, this was mostly based on you. But this is also for my other girls. Dherej, Chrissie, Dheren, Jash~

Pot of Gold

I close my eyes
And try to remember what it felt like
To have you near me
To feel your breath on my neck
To feel your fingers lock themselves in mine
It all comes back to me so easily
I remember it like it was yesterday
It's crystal clear in my mind
Its a memory that i can't get rid of
But then the memories of everything else come flooding back
The lies
The hurt, the tears
They way my heart you did break
And i feel a piercing pain go through my heart
over and over again


But now i'm taking a stand
I'm fending for myself
I'm not going to think of you
Of the way you touched
Of the way you smelled
I'm letting go of those dreams of us
Of those wishes for forever
So dont hold me back, dont hold my hand
I'm stepping forward
I'm leaving these memories of you
Because after every rainy day
A rainbow hides between the clouds
U were my rainy day
Now i'm leaving, in search for my rainbow
Because on the other side of every rainbow
Lies my pot of gold

You ran your fingers over my lips
Your thumb caressed my upper lip
As my lower lip trembled
You let your hands explore my hips
And you went in for the dip
As you kissed me your hands fumbled
That memory of that last day
Remains so clearly in my mind
The way you held me that night
The way you kissed me before you went away.

You left me to bleed
I bled through my heart
I bled through my lips
Through every part of me you ever touched
It's like you left after doing the deed
The deed of breaking me once we'd part
Cos you knew that every time i saw you my heart did flips
You knew once you left it'd hurt too much

And you were right
You walked away leaving my bloody lips
It's like you bit me so hard
And left my blood to trickle down my face
You left me crying crimson tears into the darkest hours of the night
Because of the things you did i took trips
Down that stairway to hell, drew myself away from the Lord
I lost myself for days

I write you this note
Crying silent tears
Though you've left me
This heart still bleeds with love
So here's to you and me
It's ending finally
So here's my love letter to you
Sealed
With a Bloody Kiss

P.S. I love you

You are the knife that makes me bleed.

I have dreams sometimes
about my chest splitting open
and blood rushing out
my heart jumping out
as if having a seizure
the blood spilling all over my body
leaking onto my wrist
that wrist with the tattoo
that tattoo of you

So i paint a picture of this dream
Hoping they stop coming back to me
but they just keep haunting me
no matter how hard i try
they wont leave me alone

so i pick up that shiny thing
i run my fingers over its edges
it's shiny sharp edges
but when i reach the tip
i suddenly realise
i'm laying in a pool of blood
pouring out from my wrist
i look down
and i see the pool of blood
all around me
blood rushing out of my wrist
that one,
with the tattoo of you

i woke up this morning
wondered what happened
why am i here

i used to think the blood on my hands
was the pain, the hurt, the anger
of being without you near me
but now i see
the pain is from everything that is you
the hurt is from everything you do
the anger is form everything you dont do

you keep giving me hope
then taking it away
you keep making those promises
but you never keep them anyway
and suddenly i remember
you are the knife that's cutting me
you and everything you are
is the reason why i'm still bleeding.


Why do you do this?

Let

Leave me be
Let me cry alone
Let my eyes well up with tears
Let my heart cringe in pain
Let it hurt
Let the pain kill me.

Some Sunshine

I need some sunshine back here in my life

Been walking too long in the rain

The raindrops are cutting my like a knife

But I’m too numb to feel the pain

I need the moonlight back here with me now

I’ve been lost in the darkness of the night

I need to move on but I just don’t know how

But I’m not backing down without a fight

I see the green grass growing on the other side

I want to crossover to feel the change

Coz when you left a part of me died

This feeling is so new, so strange

I see the rainbow touching the ground

I want to reach out and feel the sky

To feel the magic and find my sound

Coz since you left I can’t sing, no matter how I try.

~ i'm lost.~