It's been a few years since I last blogged. I tried keeping a diary in that time, but seriously who has time to write down as many thoughts as I have, as often as I wish I could. A lot has happened in the past 2-3 years though. I think I grew up a lot. Gone are my days of being a familiar face in the African party scene in KL. I legit ain't about that life no more LMAO. That's what I keep joking about when people ask me. But it's true. I only keep in touch with like 3 or 4 of my friends from that scene but that's about it. That's whole lifestyle I think just became too meaningless.
Don't get me wrong, I'm young and I still party and hangout with people but I think the difference is that I've closed off my circle of people now. The people I party and hangout with are legit friends and people I actually give a shit about and trust, and can sit down and have a serious conversation with. Not acquaintances who don't know jack shit about me but will party about me and then talk about me like they know me. So I have fewer people to hit up for a night out, so I am not on my phone texting all the damn day long, so what? I have time to get shit done, time to myself to just be me without having to waste effort on other people when I really don't give a shit.
Like, I'm literally so OKAY with sitting at home on a Friday or Saturday night, by myself, watching House of Cards or some TV series that I've discovered. There's no longer a feeling of "I don't have a life" if I'm not out partying on a weekend night. That's doesn't mean I don't party at all. Lol. I've had some ridiculous nights out, but they're nothing like they used to be. I spend most of my time at Barfly now. Right now, it's mostly because Sonia is back from Minnesota for her summer break and considering she's dating the manager of Barfly (from here on known as BF), she spends a lot of time there, as do I by proxy I guess.
My life has changed so much in the past few years, seriously. I went from partying all the time and in the african scene to being in a serious relationship and basically never ever going anywhere for like over a year to single, high all the time and living my life the way I fucking want to. I'm closer to my family, although we still have our fights and shit. That's what happens with 4 strong personalities under one roof. My sister and I have a much better relationship now though. I mean, way back when, you'd never catch us hanging out in the same place and with the same crowd. But here we are, turning 24 and alreaedy 28, and after years of being at each other's throats, we have a good relationship. We hangout, we talk, we involved each other in our lives, and it's nice. I mean, we're not attached at the hip or anything, but it's starting to feel the way sisters SHOULD be with each other. She's still a pain in the ass sometimes, but so am I.
Notice how I sidestepped that whole serious relationship thing? Yeah, it's a long story. Maybe that'll be what my next post is about. But right now, to be honest, thinking about what I've just typed, I really am realising how different I am, and my life has become. I'm not so highly strung now. I think I'm more laidback and ready to accept my flaws and mistakes as a part of me. But the one way I haven't changed much, is the way I feel things. It's been pretty bad lately, and it's becoming difficult to exist around people. I'd so much rather smoke a blunt and be by myself all day than go out and have to interact with other people. I'm happily medicated, as I call it, but it''s a crutch. It helps me forget, temporarily. It helps me to take all the negative things and thoughts in my life and stuff it in a chest with a chain and lock. Literally nothing brings me down. Until the high wears off and I'm stuck with reality.. until my next blunt only of course.
But I totally understand Spencer when she says all she wants is to quiet the noise. I feel you babe.
No comments:
Post a Comment