Family vs Friends ?

I think God just might have been trying to teach me a lesson about family. About how important they are. I think God was trying to make me realise that even if i have nothing else, but I have family, I will survive. And I'm beginning to believe it.

Everything that's happened though, is upsetting. I'm becoming paranoid for all of our safety. The details, are now irrelevant to anyone but us. But it's all just screwing with my head. And for some reason, not having my friends around me so much is helping me realise how much i just need to be on my own at this point. I don't want to talk to anyone about it, because I think that apart from one or two, no one needs to know. One or two people who I've been talking to about so many things because I feel like no one else needs to know.

But really, since I came back from Sarawak, I havent been so close to my friends and I feel.. well, i dont know just yet what I feel. I am thankful to one of two friends who have been there for me. But I don't think I have much to say about the others. In a way, I'm starting to realise how fickle some friends can be; how hard it is to trust some people with everything. A few months ago, I trusted a friend so much. But right now, at this moment, she is not the friend who knows even a gist of what's happening. She knows nothing and quite frankly I can't be bothered to tear her away from what obviously is most important to her. And I'm not being bitter, I just happen to have my life to deal with to care about. I really dont need this kind of stuff on my mind.

Sometimes, I want to sink away and just live my life, on my own, for myself. But I know that's not going to make anything better. So I'm just trying to chill and to stick it out, for my family. I do need some friends, the ones who have been there to support me. But if you're one of those friends who suddenly forget about the friend that was there when you needed a friend, then I wont bother trying to put you right. I was there when you needed me, and that's all that matters. I know I am a better person for not treating you like shit just because you're not there when i need a friend.

Siapa makan cili, dia terasa pedas.

It's as simple as that. At this point, I know who I can rely on and at the end of the day, even if they let me down, I've got family.To those people who have been there for me lately, thank you. It means the world knowing that you got my back.

xx J

And to Miss Davinia, you silly goose. Dont worry, I will have total control on Saturday =]