My Two Families.

I feel the urge to rant today. What am i itching to rant about? Here : The simple fact that some people think that it's fun to have divorced parents simply because you get to have two of everything.

I was talking about it with a friend recently. Yesterday actually, and this was i think the first time he found out about my parents being divorced and both remarried to other people and the fact that i have a step sibling. And he asks me "so you have two families? Nice huh having two families?"

And at some point i wanted to ask what person in his right mind would even for a second it could be fun.

Okay, maybe for some people it might be. More freedom, double the pocket money, two birthday celebrations every year, TWO presents from parents instead of one and bla bla bla.

But i really don't think anyone ever stops to think about how badly it affects some kids. It can be really hard sometimes. Like for me, i spent my life from age 8 to 15 without a real father there all the time. i mean my parents divorced and i lived with mum in rawang and my father lived in pj. he came over to rawang to see us every other weekened and take us to stay with him and stuff like that and at first it was good until he married again. then as the years went by, he visited us lesser and lesser. he rarely came over to rawang to pick us up, usually expecting us to take a train.

Honestly, when i was in primary school i hated not having my father around. Cos i remember all those stupid awards days and shit that we used to have and even parent-teacher days. sometimes, neither one of my parents could come. Cos remember, mum was a single mother supporting us and had to work. My father lived so far away it would have been ridiculous to expect him to come just for some silly thing right? But still. I used to wish that i had at least one of my parents around. All my friends had BOTH parents present for everything, and i either had only one or none. Things were slightly different when i had my stepdad around cos i had at least a father figure around and that i am thankful for. but still, sometimes, i wish my life were normal.

And you know, for me, the hardest thing about having divorced parents, is having to divide time between them. It's like birthdays, were hardly fun cos i had to decide who i wanted to spend my ACTUAL birthday with and who i wanted to spend the day before or the day after with. Christmases and New Years' too, it was like we had to choose who to spend the eve of it with and the real day. To me, it never really mattered cos well, its still in that time span. Just cos christmas day has passed, doesnt mean the christmas spirit is gone right? Numerous times, ,my dad has fought with me and yelled at me and made me cry on CHRISTMAS day! the joy of it all.

I dunno, i just feel like everyone who's had this perspective that "oh its awesome to have divorced parents cos we get to have two of everything" needs to have their perspective corrected. It's not all that fun, hardly ever.

But then again, sometimes, i am grateful that my family is the way it is. Mum is happier, and she's married a man who despite him bullying her sometimes (playfully la!) and despite the fact that they're both headstrong and tend to argue a lot, he loves her and takes care of her. And my father, well in his case i'm not so sure. I think the only thing i really regret about my parents being divorced and all is the fact that my relationship with my real father hasn't been something great. we used to be close when i was a kid. but i think as i grew up and the lesser he was there, i distanced myself somewhat.

He has a better relationship with my sister and i think that maybe that's cos he was around more when my sister was older. my sister was 11 when my parents divorced and right up til she was 17 or so we used to see my dad a lot (before he married). So he was pretty much there for everything in her life and i suppose that's why they're closer. it bugs me sometimes, but then, what can i do right? i love my father, and obviously i dont have a valid excuse for not keeping up a relationship with him. but then, i have been known to distance myself from people that have hurt me. [Look at how i dealt with people like Sarah and Punitha - i shoved them out of my life and never looked back] Obviously, my goal is not to keep my father away from my life. Maybe i'm just being an attention seeking whore and hoping that he'll fight harder to be part of my life.

Anyways. You see what i mean? Divorce is never fun for anyone. The slight perks that come like having a double life might seem like fun to outsiders, but to the insiders, the people that really feel it, the pain and drama it causes overshadows all that.

Hopefully, after reading this you'll understand that its not fun. Some people have it worse than I do. So dont ever say to a person with divorced parents "i bet its fun having two families huh" cause trust me, its not. No one should ever have two separate families. Because a family is one unit. One WHOLE unit.

Reading this, you might start feeling sorry for me and pitying me for growing up under such circumstances and all that. But here's what you do with your pity : shove it up your nose hole! x) Nah, i'm kidding. im mean, but not THAT mean. Look, i appreciate your empathy and all, but really, no one wants to be pitied. So dont you DARE start feeling sorry for me.

I've understood my family and what it stands to be. I understand that it is what it is. And, i'm grateful that my family different. Some people say broken family, i say highly amusing and dysfucntional family. Whatever i went through as a kid emotionally, it's made me somewhat a stronger person. I may get all emo and depressed at times, but everyone has those moments. and sometimes, there's only so much one person can handle at one time. And i like to think that i'm pretty mature for someone my age. I'm good at understanding other people's emotional hurt cause i've had some of my own. i also like to think that the fact that i've been through a lot of it, will someday make me a great psychologist. :)

Let's just hope for the sake of my sanity at least, that my life doesnt end up like that couple in the movie Four Christmases. I don't think i could marry a guy with divorced parents as well (unless his parents get along with each other and are the bruce willis - demi moore kinda couple that still remain good friends which i doubt there are a lot of ) because it would mean going to like FOUR different places for celebrations and stuff. I have enough trouble with TWO as it is :P




Note ; I was wrong for fallin' in love, but i just went against the grain.