He restores my soul.

Psalms 30:5 For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning

This verse holds true for me, and this is the verse that has been getting me through the days. How true this verse is though, "weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."

I spent my night last night in tears for two hours straight after Manda and Milan dropped me home. It was a combination of everything, the music, the feelings, talking to Simba about relationships and not being able to sleep. Everything put together just stressed me out emotionally. It's like that a lot lately. When something triggers my tears, it starts and it can't stop.

But I'm learning to find my strength and to pick up my pieces and move on. It's hard. Every day it's hard, but each day it gets just a little bit easier, a bit more bearable. I thank God for good friends. Friends who answer the questions I have, difficult questions. Friends who assure me of my worth when I feel like I am worth nothing. Friends who make it feel less painful when it hurts the most. Friends like Manda and Milan and Simba. I thank God for family. They distract me and keep me busy.

Letting go is the hardest part of the end of any relationship. Especially when you're not ready to. But like everyone is trying to convince me, I am learning that he's just not the one, and it's not that I'm not good enough, it's just that I can be better for someone else. It's that someone else will see what's special about me and love me for who I am. He wasn't the right one for me and I'm learning to accept that.

I know that life goes on. I know that I will get over this. I might not feel strong right now, I may feel fragile and I might actually be emotionally fragile. But I know that when this is over, I'll come out of this stronger that ever. Screw what people think, screw what "friends" want to judge me for. People will say what they want to say and they can judge me for all the mistakes I've made in my relationships. I know I have even friends who judge me on what little they know, on what little they understand of my feelings.

You know what though? Fuck that. If you don't know exactly what I'm feeling and going through, if all you know is the perception you form in your head about all my relationships and the mistakes I make in them, then you have no right whatsoever to judge me, not even if you're a friend. And if you're delusional enough to believe that you do have a right to judge me, then you need to take a look in the mirror and realise your faults before picking on mine.

I never said I am perfect. In fact, far am I from being perfect. But I am after all, only human. Don't like it? Deal with it. Don't want to deal with it? Then buzz off.