I have commitment issues, with a lot of things and people. I know it's probably not a good thing to admit this, but I just have to. When it comes to things, I only am interested in them for as long as they interest me. With people? I only give a shit until they've hurt me. Even when it comes to family, past a certain point I tend to give up and just not have emotion at all. I know it really sucks to say this, but I've also always had commitment issues when it comes to relationships.
Since I was 15, I've gone through a string of guys like I change my underwear. Which is often. Amanda, Davi and I sat down to come up with a list of the guys that we either had "things" with or dated or were in a relationship with, and okay Davi's list was longer than both me and Manda, and Manda's was like HALF the length of Davi's. But honestly, if I were to remember ALL the guys there were, it would probably be longer than Davi's. Seriously. I could never be too committed to any guy. The longest I was with someone was when I was 17, Josh. And that was only 9 months. And truth be told, he was one of the only two guys who I ever felt I could be committed to for a long long time. It's sad really that the shit happened and we ended the way we did. But hey, bygones.
This time, I am trying my best to be committed. And for once, the other person in this relationship is making it easy for me. But I'm only human. I have my moments when I miss singledom. I think that's normal for everyone. What counts is that I'm trying. Because lord knows, I could easily give up and go back to the days when all I did was flirt and have flings, but nothing serious. But no, I found something in someone, and it's made me happy enough. Sure times are tough now, and I am constantly confused about shit. But I'm sticking it out. Because it matters. The person here, matters to me. A lot.
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