Dont ask why. just keep reading.
Okay. so this is my way of getting it outta my system. i mean, if u guys really know me, u know what writing really is to me. and i'm hoping that writing about it one last time will just let me get it OUT of my system and hopefully, i'll be able to move on with my life and not give an eff about all this shit.
so i'mma start with the guys that helped fuck up my relationship with josh.
I'm embarrassed to admit that at one time last year, i did actually refer to these guys as my friends. yeah. the day before my major exams started, these shitholes come over to MY house and start to fight with me. now really, what kind of guys simply fight with girls? i'll tell u. guys with no balls. that's what they fucking are. anyways. one of these shithole guys, lets call him... assOne. he liked one of my THEN best friends.. ( i say THEN coz now i dont believe in having best friends. i believe in close friends.) but this girl, my friend, did NOT like him. in fact, he made her uncomfortable. anyway. from day one i told him he has no chance with her cos she's the kind of girl who has a really certain taste. meaning, she doesnt like guys like him. ugly. stupid. shitted headed. anyway. she didnt want to tell him to eff off. he of course refused to give up.. apparently, it's called "true love" when u like a girl and keep on harrassing them though she obviously doesnt give a fuck about u. yeah. im being sarcastic here. anyways. at some point, someone told my friend that this guys smokes and drinks and shit. and ok, she's a kid. she doesnt like this kinda stuff. coz her own dad doesnt do it. so anyway. she gave that as an excuse for not wanting him. which honestly, i think was kinda cowardly of her because she just wasn't attracted to that ugly fuckhead and she should have just told him that. anyway. so this assOne immediately accuses me of telling her the shit about him smoking and drinking. WHAT THE FUCK. like i got no better things to do then to talk about that asshole and what he and his anal retentive friends do. per-lease nigga. i have a life unlike u assholes.
anyways. so these assholes come over ot my place to have a fight with me. and what the fuck. so i call my friend i'm like these assholes say i told u this shit. wtf. did i? NO. i so effing didnt. it just happened to be another one of our friends, let's call her Jeen. the thing is, i didnt wanna get Jeen in trouble so i shut the fuck up about who told. and that didnt make things better. we had a huge fight right there and then and we agreed to stay the fuck out of each other's way.
and i was fine with that. until these dickwads decided to be immature fucked up assholes and stick their fucking shitty fingers into my relationship with Josh.
U know what they told him?
These dickwads told Josh that my ex boyfriend had raped me and that kind of shit. What the fuck la dude.
FOR THE RECORD I AM NOW STATING THAT I AM A VIRGIN. 100%
** I am still a virgin unlike certain skank whores (read : SARAH DICKMAN)**
anyway, since then i havent had much to do with those assholes except for occasional bump ins here and there.
BUT what is so shitted about this whole thing is that Josh, he believed them. SHIT. He didnt trust me enough to sit down with me and have a conversation about this like a fucking mature person. he believed those fuckwits. nice huh. i should have known. he was always immature.
so since then, josh and i had problems. during my exams things were most fucked up. not only did i have to deal with the exams and that emoness of leaving school, i also had to deal with those fuckwits and Josh being a total moron about the whole thing. no really. everytime we texted or talked we ended up fighting. it wasnt just those fuckwits that lead to what happened in the end. it was that skank whore bitch sarah dickman.
GOD. That bitch was a piece of work, a piece of really trashy work. she was a lying, backstabbing bitch. she tried to steal my boyfriend and just hooked her claws into our relationship.
Josh didnt make any of it any better. he layaned her and encouraged her in a way. like i said. he's just childish. and stupid. and a moron. he trusted other people too much think. and i trusted him too much. that was MY biggest mistake. and once he believed what those assholes told him, i stopped trusting him. i just stopped. see the thing about me is that i trust people to an extent.when they hurt me bad, ijust dont look bad. i shut them out of my life. that's what i did to him. i was sick of giving him chances. u have no idea how much he made me cry.
anyway. so after my exams, 28th of nov, we met up, talked and broke up. And u know what. that moron hooked up with that slut sarah. i never thought i'd ever actually say this out loud much less type it for everyone to read, but when i found out, i was upset of course. the first thing i thought was "omg that is so cheap!!" but then i thought, if he can hook up with a girl like her, then he's proably as bad as her and they probably deserve each other.
but hey, he broke up with her. apparently he was with her "for fun" and he wanted me back then. hah! bullshit. when he wanted me back, i was so over it. so over him. still am. always will be as of this moment. but no really. loads of people told me he's a liar and that i shouldnt trust him. ok not LOADS of people. but people nonetheless. i ignored then coz i loved him so freaking much.
but hey. he doesnt deserve me right? i deserve better. i think though that this time, it's gonna be harder to forget cos i REALLY loved him. we were together for EIGHT months. that is NOT a short time. i mean, i KNOW there was SOME feelings there. but u know. shit happens. its just hard for me to forget coz i never loved anyone like that, not for that long.. not so much that the little things made me cry..
i guess though, that NOW, it's REALLY over. and i for one, though im hurt, i'm relieved. he just kept breaking my heart and hurting me more everyday. and i'm sick of it. i deserve a whole lot more.
i loved him once..
maybe i loved him twice..
but now he's out..
and i'm moving on.
no really im over it and moving on.
i know. ur thinking if i'm really over him and all of this shit then why the hell am i blogging about it right?
well like i said. writing is probably my form of closure.
i wrote this coz i had to get out my anger at those assholes and that slut and to feel mournful for what was between me and josh.
i'm so OVER it all.
i'm over those fucked up jackasses that have no life except to terrorise girls who reject them or realise how pathetic they are. and i know this is gonna sound mean but it's true, coz quite frankly they act like a bunch of pariyas. and honestly, i dont fancy being known as an acquaintance much less a friend of them. yuck.
i actually have a real life unlike them. anyways.
this is. tomorrow, or rather today, i'm getting rid of everything that josh ever gave me. im breaking it all then burning it. INCLUDING that stupid jonas brothers cd he gave me.. and that stupid shit bracelet thing of his. and all our pictures, GONE.
i have a new life people. and it DOES NOT involve any of these people.
~ CLOSURE ~
R.I.P Sanj-Anna R.I.P
04.04.2008 ~ 28.11.08
*It was good while it lasted, maybe a little worth it, now, it's just OVER*
R.I.P baby, R.I.P...FINALLY!
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