Bella's Lullaby

Thanks Ann for introducing me to this song.
coz now i've fallen in love with it.
it's my new theme song.
it's heartbreaking i dont know why.
i just listen to it and i heart just the music and it tells me this story.
a story of heartbreak and sorrow but then there's some how hope that it will all get better. maybe i'm overanalysing. but really.
that's how i see it.
i haven't exactly been having sunshine through my windows everyday. it's been rainy and gloomy. and dark.
listening to it i get to feel heart broken and sad. i'm allowed to.it just goes with it.
and as i listen to it over and over again i'm reminded that i'm allowed to feel heartbroken after my disaster of a breakup.
and yea they say its not over til the fat lady sings.
and maybe for me and josh its not over yet.
but, what if it is?

despite how much he hurt me all that while, i still remember that i love him so much. i did and i still do. he means a lot to me. he was there for so many crazy things that happened to me this year. and we were so perfect together. we still are i know it. things just got out of hand.

those first few months were so perfect. we were so happy together. he ALWAYS made me laugh. even when he didn't make any of this lame jokes, he'd just have to laugh and i'd laugh with him. coz that's how he was. he had such an infectious laugh. he made everyone around him happy.

and now that i think of it. he was a really good friend too. not just to me. to the likes of shannon and maybe even praveen. after all that drama. he's still there for him. he's just.... HIM.

i feel like a fool.

what do i do.

this damn lullaby is making me cry!