Am I REALLY Over it??

*Sigh*
you know how sometimes, the things you really want to happen, DONT happen... but the things you really DONT want to happen, HAPPEN??
yeah.. it's one of those things that just irritates you cos the world seems to be in reverse mode...

Like, Josh. My EX.

I REALLY want to just move on and get over it.. but its like, the more i want to, the harder it gets.

But i think i'm more over him now than i was before.. so that's kinda good..
but i really do miss him lots.. and though we still text each other everyday like we used to (UNFORTUNATELY), i dont have that feeling of loss anymore.
When we first broke up, i felt lost and confused and like someone had died. But now, i don't feel that so much.. now i'm just... sort of NORMAL.. i mean yeah i miss him and all.. but now, i realise that our relationship PROBABLY MIGHT NOT have ended up anywhere good.. coz even now that we're not together, we still argue and fight.. it's sad coz before this we never fought...:(

and what's funny is that he told me that he still wants me and all, but that we gotta wait.. and im like why? and he also told me not to tell our friends that we were texting and that he wants me back and all that.. and i was like then why bother telling me all this? i mean does he really think i wanna be in a relationship like that..

i have no words to describe it.. i love him, but im kinda over him. and i miss him, but i really dont. i miss the good times we had, when we were happy..i miss him. the way he smiled at me.. the way he laughed at my stupid jokes.. the way he held my hand.. the way he ..everything... sigh.
i really felt different with him compared to my other relationships... he was the only guy SO FAR
that made me feel all tingly inside..

he seemed different
but i guess things aren't always what they seem
when i needed him to be on my side and to trust me the most, he turned his back on me.. simply coz of what THEY said. i used to blame them completely for us breaking up.. but then now after i've thought about it, i think its not entirely their fault although they did kinda brain wash him with nasty thoughts about me.. i do think that he should have dealt with it all in a better way by just talking to me about it instead of trusting them so much.

i just wish he was more mature..

well i guess that's life...

i dont need a boyfriend now, anymore. i think i'm just gonna give myself time to grow...
like i told my friend, Kak Anne, and which she posted on her blog lol

"In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take. The relationships we were scared to have and the decisions we waited too long to make. There comes a time in your life when you realize who matters, who doesn't, who never did and who always will. So don't worry about the people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it to your future."

so yeah.. and this applies to THEM too i guess.. not just HIM...
so.. friends can be fickle.. i've learnt that.. and so can boyfriends.. i've learnt that too...