Despite the hell lot of nonsense going on with people in my life, I am getting better. I'm still angry, don't get it twisted. Everything makes me angry. But I don't cry anymore, I don't get upset anymore and I basically stop letting things affect me so much. I'm quite happy though, I'm realising that even if shit happens, I have a lot to be grateful for, which I am.
There's this quote I've been seeing everywhere something like "If people keep trying to bring you down, just keep going cos it means you're above them". And you know what? I believe that. There are people who try to put me down and you know what, screw them. I'm tired of letting that happen.
If recent events with friends and family have taught me anything it's this:
1) Being patient is one thing, being a pushover is another thing. A friend of mine told me that I let people bully me and treat me badly. Maybe he's right. But no more, I'm done letting people be nasty and leave me out of things and say shit and then think it's okay. I no longer have patience for people who treat me like a pushover.
2) People will change when their lives present them with new people and new opportunities, and when this happens, don't try to stop them from changing because it will continue to happen and it's just not worth it. The best thing to do, is to wish them well with their change and with their lives. And to you friend, I know you know I'm talking about you, good luck.
3) Everyone is going to have something to say about anything you say or do. People are just stupid like that, they all think they have the right to judge someone else. But they don't look in the mirror before they do that. I'm learning to just hold my head up high and do what I think is right. I've got my head screwed on properly and I know what's good for me. Other people think they do, but they don't. They're just kidding themselves if they think they know me and my life better than I do.
4) When you're angry, don't take it out on the wrong people because even the people that love you the most will get fed up. Especially me, because as much as I love someone, I won't stand for taking anger caused by someone else.
5) I cannot share a room. I need my privacy and I need to be able to lock myself and my feelings up. And I really hate when people touch my stuff and put them in places where I DID NOT leave them, and then when I need it I can't find it.
6) There's nothing wrong with seeing a therapist. People can judge you and call you crazy, but you have to do what's best for yourself.
7) Emotions are some of the hardest things to deal with, because they can be so damn strong.
8) Despite my insecurities and my lack of confidence when it comes to my body and how I look, there ARE people out there who like me just the way I am and people who constantly reassure me that I am beautiful. Hell, I even get strangers who tell me that I am beautiful and who cares if they just say that to get into my pants. No one wants to get into the pants of an ugly person, right? So who would lie about that ;)
9) It does not do to procrastinate. I knew this a long time ago but I feel like this just needs to be here. In fact, I should stop procrastinating and get back to studying.
10) Never let yourself need anyone. The moment you do, that is your weakness. People will leave you eventually. Then what are you to do?
11) If a friend asks you for advice, it just means that she needs your opinion to help her form her own opinion. You cannot expect a person or force a person to do what you think they should do because it's not your life, and you don't know the real situation. You cannot then be angry and feel like you've been disrespected because your advice was not heeded. Just saying.
12) I really need to start trusting my instincts. I am stubborn and I ignore that voice in my head a lot of the time, and that voice turns out right about things. It's very irritating, and stressful. But nonetheless, I need to start listening to that voice.
13) It does not do to turn around and look back at the people who turned their backs on you. Life is too short to give a damn. So this is me, looking forward, moving on and not giving a damn about them.
14) Sometimes, when you have opinions about people, keep them to yourself. Because either a) you make yourself look silly or b) you voice them out to the wrong people and those people are people who cannot be trusted.
15) I tell myself this, time and again, and I never learn: Be careful who you trust. I have plenty of friends whom I used to trust but no longer do now. It's sad, but it happens. There are people I now no longer trust with so many things to do with my life: who I date, what I do, where I go etc.
16) If you have no experience with certain situations or things or even people, please shut up and don't run your mouth like you're a fucking expert about it because you simply look stupid. Also, if your English is bad, don't try to make someone else look stupid because you will fail, and look like an idiot.
17) That phrase, "if you truly love something set it free and if it comes back it's yours forever". Not always true. But sometimes, it's for your own good. Set free a lover, set free a friend. I'll do both if it means that it's good for me. If they come back, then great. If they don't, well life goes on.
18) Don't be so perasan and sensitive and terasa about everything. This one is for me and for all you people out there. Not every facebook status or blog post is about you. If you terasa, then maybe its you. Maybe you have your own damn reasons to be that way. Don't get all up in my face and ask me why I'm bitching about you. If your name is not clearly mentioned when I'm talking about something or someone, then it could be or could not be about you.
19) Don't ever be so blinded by love. Don't let love change your life. Don't make love your life. Don't push people away for love. Because if, God forbid, love leaves you, you will be lost. You will no longer remember who you are or understand what your life is.
20) You can think a song is really stupid and criticise it and make sarcastic comments about it, but that doesn't mean the song will relate any less to you. In my case, it's Grenade by Bruno Mars, for reasons only he really could understand. And I know he relates to it too. But this is not our song okay. It cannot be our song, because it's heartbreaking. Our song was and is always going to be Got Your Back by TI and Keri Hilson. It's a happier song, and I know that even if we're not together, he'll have my back and I'll always have his.
That's a few among the many things I have realised this past month or so, dealing with people. I've made some mistakes, I admit to that. I've been bitchy, I also admit to that. But you know what, at least I know my faults. I know when I'm wrong. I know when I'm doing stupid things. The people who are judging me and behaving and talking like they know all about me and my lives, these are the people who don't look in the mirror at their own lives, but instead choose to pick and point the wrongs of other people's life. Please la, get.a.fucking.life. Who the fuck do you think you are to judge someone else's life and decisions?
Anyway. I'm going to go and study. Bai.
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